Life is Busting out ALL Over!

Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

I made a trip up to the the homeland at the end of last week – got to sleep in my old bed and see my parents for the first time since Christmas, got to drive in Chicago rush hour (god, I miss the racetrack driving of Illinois’ drivers), and I had my BIG interview on Friday, only to drive back down to Indiana Friday night.

It was a good trip and per usual with Mom, I didn’t leave without a present. However, this time I was pleasantly surprised. I can’t tell you how many pens I have with my name on it or pads of paper with the first initial of my first name – and then once I got a cat, it became trinkets and junk with cats on it. I know that she longs to still be a big part of my life and this is her way of showing me she cares – and I do appreciate it, but once you have one pack of “lifeisbusting” pens – haven’t you had them all?? Anyway, we tease her about her habit, and I still get random packs of cat post-its for Valentine’s Day.

However, this time, when she told me she had a present for me, and I cringed while trying to muster up some greatful response to magnets and office supplies… she gave me a car air freshener. Not just any car air freshener – but an OBAMARAMA air freshener!! It was amazing. Mostly, because I grew up in the most Republican city in the most Republican county in the state of Illinois, and while I’ve broken free from the chains, my parents have taken their time to see the light (although my dad will vote independent at will). So this is kind of a big deal, that Moms thought to buy me a Democrat – and at least she got the right one!

Also, the Senator is pretty rad, although to be honest, the picture frightens me a little. It’s just so CLOSE up – and there is a mole that is quite apparent, which alarms me a little. His picture is on both sides so he’s always looking at me. Also the fragrance is kind of foul, it actually smells like this crazy/amazing lotion I once bought at a sexy time party. According to the package, it’s supposed to get rid of the Republican stink. But that aside, it was cool to have the Senator hanging from my rear view mirror. I’ve never had anything hang from that in Apple (yes this is my car’s name – she’s red, and if Gwenyth can do it…).

I found myself relying a little bit more on the Senator during my car drive. When we were stuck in Friday evening Chicago traffic and I was thinking about the 4 more hours I had left go, I wondered outloud if I could really do this, and then I’d see him looking at me and I’d say “Yes, I Can!!”. Then there were the too often times when my thoughts got rather deep (as they tend to do while driving alone) and I was getting a little sad, and I’d catch the Senator’s big toothy grin, and I’d smile too. There were also the times when I got lost trying to take a short cut back into my Indiana town, and my heart would stop because I thought I would catch a reflection of a ghost in the dark, DARK road, and then I’d realize it was just the Senator swirling around on his string. He totally punk’d me on that one. It’s so cheezy and a bumper sticker would be more effective in amassing the votes, but I rather like the tacky foul smelling Obama air freshener in my car.

I should have brought him in my house and hung him around my neck because the rest of the weekend was emotionally heartwrenching and exhausting. No matter how hard I try, and maybe I’m not trying enough, I’m still not over the Ex. I don’t think it helps we still talk – and this weekend we had a two day conversation about what we both want. It seems we both want to be with each other – but our definitions are QUITE different. I’m refusing to compromise and rather than listening to what I had to say, he would rather deconstruct my argument based on the dynamics of a debate and tear it apart. And I refuse to let it die. I don’t know WHY. (but there was a guy, who said he could fly, so he baked a pie… I’ll stop, I blame Happy Gilmore) I’ve pretty much pushed him away, and I went for his sore spot – something I’d be dying to say for YEARS, and took the brutally honest approach (which although in theory sounds good, never, never works). So now it’s strained and I’m sure it’s probably a good thing. Maybe now I’ll get the clarity I need. I just don’t think it has to be this hard. Sure, good relationships are work and they should be, but I don’t want to feel like I’m fighting for it all the time. I want a guy who KNOWS he wants to be with me, and move past the baggage to do it. I’m tired of feeling like I have convince him that it’s his own idea to want to be with me.

To make matters worse, I emailed my best friend about what I was thinking and what I was going through, and she took two sentences to give me her thoughts before she went on about her love life. Now, she’s always made it about her but she can balance it well. But she’s in her first serious relationship. They’ve been dating for two months, and she moved in. For financial reasons, before they met the parents, before they said I love you (although that has since happened). And I love her and I love that she is happy but OMG, seriously??! Seriously. And I can’t say anything, she’s in charge of her own life – although if the situation was reversed… I don’t know, this is probably an additional post. I don’t want to be a whiny and poor me, and I know that I am probably bitter and jealous, which makes me feel worse.

I know it’s just a matter of time, before everything is revealed to me, with the job (please, a job!) and the location and I’ll look back at this and be happy I went through it, because it will bring me to place I only prayed would happen to me. But right now, I’d rather just sleep until I can wake up and everything feels normal again.

*Driving back, I thought of numerous other phrases like:

– What would Obama do?

– Obama is my homeboy (which is not original)

– Obama is the passenger in my car

– Obama 3:16

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7% of the state is counted, and they can call it already??!! Is this a democracy or a generalization??

Fear not, Indiana is in two weeks and guess who has changed their voter registration and is voting early??

Yup, that is right. Sorry Hills, you might have gotten the bitter voters in Pennsylvania, but the bitter Hoosiers understood what Senator Obama meant, and they’ve seen the light

You can buy votes, but you can’t beat the fierce urgency of NOW.

Do you see that there? That is the gym in the rec center on campus. See the top where the chairs are all centered around? Tomorrow morning Barack Obama will be standing THERE. And I’m not going. BOO! But like 6000 people got in line and stood for 5 hours and 4000 of them walked away empty handed. But yay for Obama (yes, I’ve made up my mind! It was the speech in Philly several weeks back that did it for me. IN!)

Taking this picture from the balcony this morning was the closest I got. Unfortunately, I was trapped/guiding a group of low income middle schoolers on a day of college awareness so they can start to dream and achieve now and persist through high school and hopefully college.  God bless middle school teachers I have no idea how they do it.

I made a friend with one kid who used his free $5 lunch card to buy 20 packs of gum. His response? “I love Gum.” Um, yes you do. Then I was walking back with another kid and was telling him the first kid really likes gum and he told me that the gum kid “is a huge nerd”. Then I got into a quasi-argument/discussion about how it is okay to be a nerd. I’m pretty sure it ended with me saying “yes it IS!” and the Nerd Hater was all “No, it isn’t!” back and forth and over and over the entire time across the quad.

But I also reassured a little girl that middle school sucks donkey balls and it will only get better from here. I think I made her happy, so I earned my wings (as well as totally LIED!! Because high school can still suck too if you are still socially awkward but let’s hope she outgrows that phase by then).

This comic made me think of your spot-on anger on what the media has “deemed” the hot topic of this Democratic primary:

natalie dee
nataliedee.com

In other non-related but equally awesome news:

There was one of those warehouse bargain clothing sales on campus yesterday. Actually some decent stuff but run by what I could only think were carnies from a traveling amusement park. If that wasn’t entertaining in of itself I actually bought two cute dresses and a cute pair of fashionable pants, which I hope are still fashionable. But my best find was a pair of men’s pajama pants, which I LOVE as a clothing category. They look like a patch work quilt and are super comfy and only $5 and they are super long, which = super YAY. I’ve been living in them. Tonight I found two holes between some of the patches.

It made me love them even more.


Synopsis

musings and panic attacks of a Chicago girl embarking on a new life in Texas. Only it's not always June and it's not in song.

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