Life is Busting out ALL Over!

Archive for the ‘Mad, Mad World’ Category

I’m prolonging my lunch hour for as long as humanly possible today so I thought I’d jot some thoughts down, which are ruminating around my brain.

Trust me, none of this is will make you smarter.

Anyhoo. There is a radio station here that I mostly listen to on my way to work each morning – it’s one of those morning shows hosted by like 5 people and one of them (always a guy) has no IDEA how to speak into a microphone, and so he just shouts into it and it’s awkward and I kinda feel for him. The overall show is bad but one girl tells the FUNNIEST jokes so I listen to hear them. Warning: I find puns really funny. Clever, dry English wit: comic genius.   The jokes I find the funniest are the ones in which “normal” people roll their eyes.  You have been warned people, I only tell jokes so I can laugh at them.

  • Joke of the day as heard by me: “What part of the military do babies join??” “..The INFANTRY!!!!!” Is that not awesome??!! I literally laughed and clapped my hands on the road when I heard that one. And have since told everyone I know and now strangers on the Internet. You all are welcome, it was my pleasure.
  • I have been listening Schuyler Fisk’s newish CD on repeat lately. She reminds me of Jenny Lewis big time but with a way more famous mom (Sissy Spacek) and her break up songs are about Joshua Radin, which is kind of fun in a ironic to Radin’s music kind of way.
  • I hated stats in college, hate them even more in grad school when I really dove into it and fear my life for when I go back for that eventual doctoral dissertation. However, I love when people use stats in a user friendly way like 538.com did when explaining when each state could find its’ way to rejecting marriage bans by voter initiative.
  • Also I woke up this morning to Good Morning America every so slyly mentioning that spies have hacked into the United States power grid. As in the grid that controls most of the country’s electricity. I have so many conflicting thoughts on this including why the hell are our power grids connected to the Internet??  There is a chance I could be overreacting to this but remember the blackout in NYC in the summer of 2003? I also believe everything Diane Sawyer tells me so yeah…
  • Finally, I WISH this movie were real. In response to the Where the Wild Things Are trailer which everyone has gone crazy for. I present to you, Everyone Poops. I’m serious!! Watch:
  • And in closing, I can’t be the only one who has downloaded their alma mater’s fight song(s), and listens to it on their iPod, can I? I don’t’ care. I swear listening to it/them makes me run faster.
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So I managed to move in to a beautiful apartment complex complete with a beautiful apartment: new carpet, gorgeous crown molding, garden tub, etc. Quite different from the beautiful (in their own way) apartments in run down buildings in Chicago with warped hardwood floors I’ve lived in the past. It seems like I traded vintage for comfortable. I moved 5 times in Chicago for various reasons but mostly because I couldn’t find the right place to stay for awhile. My second week here I realized how much I loved this apartment and that yes, I think I could stay for awhile.

VICTORY!!! Right? So I thought. The apartment’s great but it seems that I won the jackpot in the crazy cat lady/is she or is she not on meth/wait, how many more cats do you have?!! neighbor. And who does she think is sweet and has good instincts about?? Yep, you got it. ME. Swell.

So pretty much this lady has creeped me out and I just try to be polite because it seems like she’s fallen on hard times lately, not to mention I got an almost-eviction notice on my apartment for hoarding 7 cats… and it was for her. And she’s got a lake house an hour away, which she invites me to all the time. This weekend, while coming back from the lake house, she hit a deer and I managed to come home right as she was and she pretty much burst into tears over it. She wanted to put it in her car (!!) but it ran away. I was like, I think I saw that once… in Tommy Boy. But I feel bad and she seems nice if not for seemingly a former participant on the TV show COPS.

Anyway, tonight she calls me and tells me one of her cats ran away. She tells me that another neighbor found this cat (which she keeps calling a kitten) and unfortunately Crazy Lady is at her lakehouse and would I mind getting the kitten and holding on to her until she can get back up here, it would only be an hour???

I should pause here and say that I have a cat. I HATE cats but my cat is flipping awesome and warmed me to cats in general. I have noticed how lonely she’s been since I’ve moved here and have contemplated getting another companion for her – kitten (so she can remain the dominant Alpha) or a dog (which is probably super impractical and Austin is the most dog-obsessed town I’ve ever lived in – it makes Chicago seem downright hostile to dogs – so this has been an influence but unlikely). Crazy cat lady wants to give me a kitten, I don’t know how many she has, I didn’t ask. I’ve thought about it and turned her down but I was curious about how my kitty would react to doing this the right way and keeping a kitten in the bathroom, separate from her. This is the appropriate way to introduce cats. Figured it’d only be a little while and a kitten… awwww.

So I agree to run over and get her kitty. I fix up an empty box with litter, get out bowls for food and water put it all in the bathroom. I grabbed my cat carrier and ran over. Only this kitty was not a “kitten” it is a CAT. And a huge one at that. My cat is 3 years old and this one has got to be at least twice her size. She is beautiful, Siamese mix with gorgeous blue eyes but flipping huge.

I bring the cat back. Set the carrier down while I arrange things in the bathroom. My kitty (who by the way hissed at a stray cat through the window, after the stray ventured onto my porch over the weekend and then mine sat and by the window for hours after it left like she missed it – Seriously I know it seems like it but I don’t live in Wild Kingdom) went up to the carrier and meowed in some sort of greeting and this cat GROWLED the most angry growl I’ve ever heard. So I was like okay, well this is going to be fun.

I put the cat in the bathroom and she seemed okay. Except for the fact that my bathroom door doesn’t like to stay shut and my cat is like staking out the door with all the new smells. I’ve gone in there a couple times to sit with the cat and try to calm her,  washed my hands to rid of my cat, and some times she lets me pet her but most of the time she growls and swats at me. Plus this cat has got FANGS like I’ve never seen before, holy jesus. The poor thing is so traumatized after being gone and then shuffled around that this is the least I can do. Oh, and did I mention that Crazy Lady was supposed to be back in an hour?? Yeah, that was like 5 hours ago.

So now I’ve got a mean ass cat in my bathroom, my sweet cat who seriously just wants a friend, and a Crazy Cat Lady who hasn’t returned. And I’m pretty sure I will not be showering tomorrow given the fact I can’t spend too much time in my bathroom without getting hissed at. I just hope that door stays shut while I’m work.

And to think that had I only gone to the gym after work like I planned, I could have missed all this fun!

Last fall I saw Louis CK on Conan O’Brien and he had the most amazing comedic commentary on today’s society. It’s genius and so, so true.

And then youtube took down the clip and I was sad because it totally makes me laugh.

And then I found it randomly again this morning and it makes me so very happy.

Also, I never give anything up for Lent but I think I’m going to give up complaining. Totally insigificant to my life so easy but also very integral to the inner commentary in my head, which will be hard. It’s my own Lenten paradox. It’s actually not true, kinda. I don’t know, Lent is SO confusing, I never have any idea of what to do. Do you punish yourself when you slip up, do you get Sundays free, am I or am I not supposed to not eat meat on Fridays???? I have no idea! I need to take a class on it or something. Clearly you can see how seriously I’ve taken this in the past.

But seriously, I can be pretty negative towards myself and tend to beat myself up over stuff that is stupid and not worth my time and also detrimental to my self-worth at points. So I’m going to stop. And to add Pollyanna to this Lenten season, if I do start to have negative thoughts, I’m going to stop myself and think of something positive.

And when I really want to complain and be negative, I’ll just watch this clip instead:

Update: It looks like you have to go to the post to watch the video. Or just click on the link at the bottom of the RSS feed to see it.  Good to know but I’ll keep the complaints to myself, I have a couple hours.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

For whatever reason in life, people feel compelled to tell me their life story. Or ask for directions but that is another post. And when I say people, I really mean complete total strangers with whom I have absolutely no relationship. It is almost as if I have “Go ahead, tell me. You’ll feel better” tattooed on my forehead.

This morning on my way to work, I stopped at Walgreen’s for extremely unimportant things (which is usually the case at Walgreen’s). My conversation with the cashier, an older woman, went like this:

Walgreen’s lady: Your total is $6.65

Me: I’m getting $5 back but can I get a dollar in quarters?

WL: (nods) and hands me a Fiver AND four quarters

Me: uhhhhh. Wait.

WL: I’m sorry! You wanted $5 total back. One second. (gets me the right amount of change)

WL: It’s been a rough morning.

Me: No worries. I understand. It’s early and it’s yucky (??) outside. That doesn’t make it any better.

WL: Well, and I got no sleep. I was at the hospital all night.

Me: (stares blankly) Oh no.

WL: With my sister. She got her leg amputated.

Me: Oh my gosh. I’m sorry.

WL: And she’s not doing very well.

Me: Well, I’ll keep her in my thoughts. (??)

WL: That Diabetes… it’s horrible

Me: (starts to put away my things and heads out the door) I hope you have a better day

WL: (mumbles something I couldn’t hear)

Now, that I think about it, maybe I do bring this on myself. But really what are you supposed to be do?? Treat others as you want to be treated? I try to do that and I still wouldn’t spill my guts out. Because then it just makes you feel worse when the stranger is probably thinking “Well, I felt crappy because of my cramps but at  least I’m not that guy.”

Anyway. So it goes.


Synopsis

musings and panic attacks of a Chicago girl embarking on a new life in Texas. Only it's not always June and it's not in song.

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