Life is Busting out ALL Over!

Archive for the ‘I seriously love my life’ Category

Somehow, during last 12 months, which have been the most changed filled of my life, I found myself.

I have also found my way home, this life. My heart is full, my cup runneth over. I am content.

For all of it, I am thankful.

Wishing all a very Happy Thanksgiving!!

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After taking the time to move myself down south and get settled, with some hiccups (what’s some driving through tornado warnings and thunderstorms or movers showing up two days late?), I’ve made it to my new city.

And as of today, my new job. Things are overwhelming, I don’t think I’d anticipated how much it would be, but it’s still all very exciting and I remain thankful, which I think is a positive thing.

My internet is installed and I’m once again back in the land of the living. I had no idea how much I relied on the internet until I didn’t have it. And while I’ll never be able to quit the internet, I have to say it was somewhat of a relief to be off the grid and a tad unreachable. Kind of felt like I was back in 1993 or somewhere thereabouts when I did not have the internet at all. Except I didn’t have Smashing Pumpkins or REM on non-stop, like I did then.

I’ll be recapping 2008 in the coming days but since I last posted we have entered a new year and I have entered a new age. (Is it me or is 31 just an ugly number??) I have great hopes for 2009, the central being that I hope to continue my feelings of thankfulness and my growing self-admiration for taking my life back and putting my needs first. I promise to tone down the ego but I wish nothing but love, health, happiness and lots of laughter for all of you.

But it’s a small world after all.

Tonight I found out that my past is directly connected to my present, and starting in 2009, what will be my future.

I don’t mean this to be cryptic, and it is much less important in words than in meaning. It has to do with people in my life who are connected to each other, unbeknownst to me until I reconnected with the past someone to let her know about my future.

But more than anything that has happened to me in the last 10 days. My faith is fully restored at levels I didn’t expect for a very long time. It is like I’ve been looking at my life as a map, with roads all over the place, smaller vessels intertwined, connecting the direct cause and effect of past actions. Except there is one major highway, it starts from one side of the map and curves into the middle and its’ mirror image from the other side, neither connecting but they look like they fit together. Tonight, I realized that final bridge, connector, what have you, was put in place and the road is complete.

I’m no longer selfish enough to think that the world revolves around me. In fact, one lesson I’ve learned is that perhaps I should give myself a little but more promenence than I have before.

But tonight, if for just one moment, even if it doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things, I feel the world’s rhythm in sync with my own.  I look forward to more of my major highways on my journey finding their missing connection. I now know they will.

I wouldn’t have changed anything, and that finally, is the point.

Holy crap I’m moving. My offer letter came today (with a really cool pen) and I sent it back, signed. I faxed in an application for the apartment I prefer. It’s all happening. Despite my excitement, I am aware that it seems like I’ve never been offered a job before or that I’ve never done any of this before. Well, that is not true, but in many ways this does feel like I’m doing this all for the first time. The newness is due to understanding, finally, my true self and my needs. I apologize that for awhile, you might have to recheck my About Me section to confirm the fact I am 30, as you thought, and not 22 right out of college embarking on that new chapter.

I’m embracing this Pollyanna-ness now because after this Thanksgiving holiday I am going to have to work with and face the concept of moving. Moving and I know each other well. 5 apartments in 6 years while living in Chicago. One move out of state and back. And now I embark yet again on another move.

I wish I didn’t know moving so well, that I could think every single thing (getting cable! Turning on Utilities! Getting new license plates and paying fees!) is adventure. I know better. I hate moving, I hate the headaches, I hate the anxiety and I hate the unknown costs that spring up before, during and after the move. And I really hate doing this out of state.

But it is what it is. And I’ll deal but I’m going to let the happy feelings linger for as long as they want and hopefully they will extend their stay in a couple weeks, in the midst of getting ready for Christmas as well, when I’m ready just to chuck everything or not think things through and say “Fuck it” only to regret it once I’m moved in (happens every move), I’ll be able to hop up on my Pollyanna cloud and ride it out until I figure out a solution.

Fake it till you make it. It’s worked for me so far, I can do it for 5 more weeks.

Or in my case, when every window in the house closes, one big ass door opens.

I am no longer unemployed, barring the official criminal background check, which thankfully I have no reason to worry.

My new job (I can’t believe I can say that) was worth waiting for, in fact I would have waited years for this. It is exactly what I want. I feel like someone was taking notes on everything I’d ever wished for, or realized and put it in this position.

I am overwhelmed, I am proud, but mostly I am profoundly grateful this is my life.

austin-tx-skyline

And oh yeah, I’m moving to Austin in 6 WEEKS. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Can I tell you all, dear readers, what a wonderful feeling I have on this Sunday night knowing this is the LAST Sunday night I will spend having to go to work in Corporate America (well, we’re not corporate but in crazytown). Still. Every Sunday for probably the last 2.5 years, I have dreaded Sundays. By 8:00 pm my throat closes up like an allergic reaction. To make matters worse, they moved Grey’s Anatomy to Thursdays last year so this year I didn’t even have an hour to forget about the nightmare I was facing the next day.

Today, the Sunday before the Tuesday, which is my last day, (got that?) I feel calm. C-A-L-M. Even as I had to race around today getting stuff done for my conference I’m attending this week. At a spa. (Not work, volunteer org). Even as I have spent shopping all day yesterday for bathing suits and new fat clothes, realizing I am far, far, far from the size 8 I was – all of that horrible lighting – and then all the hours I spent at my computer today prepping for meetings in a volunteer position that I am horribly just adequate in, all of that and I am still calm. (That run-on gets a medal!)

It might also be because I had the best weekend in a long time – that and my boyfriend is picking me up ice cream right now, at my request.

Greenleafgal’s Tips to have a kick ass weekend:

1. Implement Summer hours at your place of work two Fridays a month so you can leave by 3pm (you would have left earlier but are at the damn mercy of a train)
2. Date a man that calls you Friday morning to tell you he missed having dates and wanted to do a date night.
3. Agree
4. Go see Knocked Up and be pleasantly surprised then take a walk around Evanston
5. Go to Cost Plus World Market and pick out wine and laugh at the labels and have the man you are dating ask if “we” can go to your parents on Saturday instead of Sunday because he hasn’t seen them since Easter (even though you were only planning to go by yourself on Sunday because he has to work)
6. Go out to a dive bar and get a pitcher of beer and watch a new waitress try to light Sagonaki approximately FOUR times before it lit into a ball of fire you thought was a little too close to your head.
7. Then decide to go to bed early so you both can watch Family Guy reruns in bed.
8. Cuddle
9. Get up nice and early and split a box of Munchkins singing at the top of your lungs to the Spring Awakening soundtrack and Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band: Hammersmith Odion 1975 all the way down I-88.
10. Spend the day with your mom shopping (and crying in the dressing room when you can believe that you were affected by clothing sizes again) and getting some new clothes and shoes on their dime
11. Knowing your boyfriend is with your dad at the airfield and they are LOVING every minute of it
12. Invent a new game called Tencrosse, with your tennis racket and his lacrosse stick
13. Have a steak dinner with your parents and the man you love listening to your dad tell stories involving lobster and the Mob.
14. Drive home with your boyfriend telling you how much fun he had
15. Knowing you only have to suck it up for only two more days and then your life will forever change.

Yeah, I think all that makes for a wonderful, non-panic attack Sunday night.

to grad school. Well at least one grad school. My formerly first choice grad school. The only one in Chicago.

My essays feel validated. At least I’m definitely going to school next year – even though they are a little too detached for me.

I also went to an interview weekend last weekend at another grad school and fell in love with the program. I interviewed for 8 grad assistantships and the director for my favorite one emailed ME on Monday to tell me she loved meeting me and that she hoped I was considering (boring) university!!! Holy Crap.

Confused??

So am I, but it’s great!


Synopsis

musings and panic attacks of a Chicago girl embarking on a new life in Texas. Only it's not always June and it's not in song.

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