Life is Busting out ALL Over!

Archive for the ‘boys’ Category

1. 500 days of summer

GO SEE IT!!!! Seriously. Like right now. Go!

500-days-of-summer1

I had been waiting and listening to the soundtrack on the website for WEEKS.  I watched the trailer every day,  I cheered every time the trailer came on TV, and I’m sure the boy was all “What the hell have I gotten myself into? This girl CHEERS for movie trailers yet I don’t even watch TV, heck I even listened to the 2008 election on the RADIO. Maybe if I tell her that she  is adorable when she cheers for the trailer, she’ll stop… Nope, that just made her cheer LOUDER. Crap, I think I’ll go run 20 miles barefoot”.

The boy and I got tickets for opening night here in Austin and Friday morning I suddenly became TERRIFIED.

I realized that I had reached the point in which there was NO possible way the movie would ever live up to the expectations I had set for it in my head.  I was pissed at myself (this tends to happen a lot) and then suddenly mortified because I was dragging another person along with me, someone who incorrectly kept referring to it as a chick flick.  P’shaw!! As IF!! I couldn’t wait to prove him wrong, until the terror took over. What if it sucks? It could taint my ability to make decisions, to make decisions that are cool and awesome. We are still at the stage where the boy would use words like ‘cool’ and ‘awesome’ to describe me. I’m not ready for it to plummet just yet.

Friday night, I didn’t want to go. The boy lured me with food by taking me here to watch the movie, where the waiters brought us our chips and queso and his pizza and beer. And then brought me a surprise beer! (I wasn’t going to have anything, and then I gasped when I saw Strongbow Cider and then I had to explain my love for certain ciders to him and then promptly ordered a coke instead) The boy put in our order, or whatever he wanted as I was still so nervous for the movie that I couldn’t eat,  via paper on a clip (Metra train style – I had to explain that one too, I’m sure the people next to us LOVED me) on our table and 30 minutes later a Strongbow showed up just like that!! It was a Christmas miracle! It was a good sign.

The movie rocked. It is not a weepy love story per se (it did well up emotion BIG time for me, however. Secretly), not one at all actually, but I’m not ruining anything by telling you that, it’s in the trailer. It was WAY funnier than I thought. Told from a male point of view and dudes dig it. This should be the movie that girls drag boys too so that in the future they will be willing to go with you to those “chick flicks” you’d want to see.

The point is I was totally validated, will continue to cheer when movie trailers come on TV and  some child actors grow up to be way cute:

jgl

2. MAD MEN YOURSELF!!! (dot com)

Man! If only I had gotten my worthless Advertising degree in the 1960s!!

madmen_fullbody

3.  So, I’ve totally replaced my summer love for baseball with a new love for the Tour de France. I know, I’m super ashamed but there are a couple reasons. a) I don’t get WGN, and Comcast sportsnet doesn’t exist here so I’m SOL when it comes to Cubs games b) the Cubs tend to do much better when I don’t pay attention to them, not that I’m the solution, I’m just sayin’ it’s statistically better this way and c) The Tour de France is DRAMATIC. Like full on male hissy fits and stuff. The jury’s still out on Mr. Armstrong, but since he lives here, I definitely hear some crappy things but he’s also an amazing athlete who like bikes home from the airport and stuff so I have to give him props. But then there’s the shady stuff, I mean I guess you live long enough in Austin, you’ll have an LA story, right?

Anyway, did you know the Tour de France is a TEAM sport? I had no idea! It’s super fascinating. Not to mention that the dude who won yesterday is Lance’s TEAMMATE and since the team basically does what it can to help the No #1 guy to win, LA had to stand down and help the dude win. And the Dude was all “I’m so happy to have Lance working for me” and Lance was all “I’m happy to be the dude’s domestique, I’m proud of him” and then refused to comment any further on his teammate, the dude who won,  during the last stages so you know LA was PISSED – because LA loves him some camera time. And then after a total dramatic stage when the dude basically crapped on everyone else, including and especially LA, Lance goes on to announce coming BACK next year with a NEW team – interestingly the winner dude has one more year on their current team… which is pitting LA’s new team vs the current winner dude’s team (LA’s team this year) for a SHOWDOWN!!!

When you think about it, the Tour de France is like the General Hospital of sports. Can’t wait!

BONUS: I have a name for the boy but it’s related to other stuff in a forthcoming post. It’s going well, slightly freaking out but that seems to be norm for me, I feel like.  The whole thing is mind boggling. When he laughs for no reason when he’s with me, he calls them HAPPY GIGGLES. He bikes up and down one of the highways on his lunch hour and has a watch that tracks the calories burned (and heart rate and other stuff). I mean, WHAT? How is this whole thing even possible?

Seriously, if you told me that I’ve just woken up and am part of a new civilzation on a little place we like to call Mars, I’d totally believe you. I mean it would explain a lot and Lord knows it’s hot enough here.

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He literally came out of nowhere. I had no time for it really. This one was a disappointment and crashed and burned very quickly, which actually was preferable to any awkward motions of dating to be polite that I cannot endure. I thought it was better that way because by the beginning of June, I had no time for dating. Or so I thought. And I thought wrong.

The connection has been instant, feels intense, and sometimes intimidating. But so unbelievably natural, that I feel like I have to barely lift a finger.

I spent most of June out of town. Zipping across the country.

He has made me love phone calls. Long hours worth of phone calls, which I normally dispise, even in the  old days when I would take some smokes to my back porch just to get through a long call with an old friend or a supportive call to my sister. But his phone calls, from his place overlooking the Austin hills to my beautiful but shallow hotel room in Manhattan, his phone calls always made me sad when we eventually hung up.

He is nothing like me. He is a scientist of sorts. His analytical mind makes mine look like I’ve been just wasting my time, when I actually consider analysis one of my strengths. He runs marathons, and not just any marathons, ultra marathons. He puts his body through hell and then decides to run barefoot so he can hear the mechanics of his stride.

He used to love fast cars and now owns the world’s fastest motorcycle, one in which you have to sit in the fetal position to drive. My response? “So you have to drive it on your side?” Naturally, because the only time I ever would lay in the fetal position is while I lay on my bed.

He owns a TV but only to hook up a DVD player. He does not watch TV. I watch so much TV, I have a DVR to record the shows I’m missing because I’m watching another show.

I am not attracted to his looks. Of anything I could imagine I’d like to gaze into, I don’t think I’d choose anything remotely close to what he resembles. Yet, I can’t wait until I get to see his face.

In July, I arrived back to our city.

It has not been perfect. Oh no, in fact, I almost botched it completely. Lost the whole thing in one fell swoop. It was after one  specific instaneous, intense and slightly intmidating time together, I freaked out the next day and decided to lay low for a little while. Let him take the lead on where this would take us next. This had always worked before, the man dictates when and what we define, where we are going, and what we feel. Except this one.

So what did I do? I waited for him, like I had done countless times before. Not for him, specifically, but the waiting for the other to tell me what was right, that I did. And I waited, and I waited. I waited for what seemed like years, but in fact were just days, a week if not a little more. I made a mistake. I assumed he was like every other man I have dated and that their reactions would be his reaction. Then, when my analytical mind couldn’t possibly rationalize the silence any longer, I reached out. I expected defeat, par for the course, what typically happens. “He’s just not that into you”. Except this one.

He reached back. This one sensed that I needed time to process (I did). This one wanted me to come back to him when I was ready (I was). This one was ready to let go if that’s what I wanted (I didn’t). This one didn’t feel rushed but his feelings weren’t the ones who concerned him. Mine were.

He is attentive in ways I would find annoying on paper but makes our time together feel like it counts in so many different ways now.  He responds with a hug or a squeeze  when my boyfriend Pavlovian response is to wince or wait for laughter directed towards me. He tells me stories, but only the ones in which I derive what matters most to him. He states out loud how he is feeling when he is feeling it, and we aren’t even talking major emotions, and I know he means them. He follows through with actions and not words. But his words? His words state the thing I was thinking anyway, but did not want to say.  He looks me in the eye and does not shift his gaze.  He takes his time and I am not bored.

This might turn into something incredible or it might just fade out as another chapter in the Lessons Learned book of my life. Truth be told, I didn’t want to actually write this, because I didn’t want “jinx” anything. But the real truth is, that I want to remember this. Not that I would forget, but should time, emotions and bias influence in anyway, this is how I want to be treated. It is worth it, to feel this way.  Love can be possible again.

I do not have a boyfriend. I am not in love. It doesn’t even matter if it gets to that point here, but the idea that I can see it again, for that, the man deserves to be named (maybe even a category but let’s not rush things).

Name and more stories forthcoming, so stay tuned. This blog is not called Life is Stagnant All Over, after all!

Internets, this is the first weekend I’ve had in about three weeks ALL TO MYSELF. I cannot tell you how much I was looking forward to this weekend, plus a 3 day weekend to boot. Seems that I probably jinxed myself somewhere along the way.

The weekend started off great, I continued great email banter with the Date on Friday, participated in a gratifying graduation ceremony seeing my students off into the wild blue jobless yonder but still really great, had a two hour power sesh with my best friend over the phone which felt like I was right there in her apartment like we used to do.

Saturday, I woke up to FLEAS. I’m not kidding and I’m not getting into specifics because it’s horrible and disgusting and I seriously have not eaten in the last two days due to the horror of it all. The culprit are my cats. Indoor cats so don’t ask me how they got there but they did. And they are treated and have been retreated. Problem is… I didn’t catch it in enough time for them to just stay on the cats, which means I have spent all day Saturday and today basically scouring, vaccumming, or washing anything that is not nailed down in my apartment. I fogged it yesterday after crazy cat lady (who is also a suspect in the flea caper of 2009 but I forgive her because she scrubbed down both cats for me with flea shampoo) agreed to take them for me so they’d be out and safe while I fogged the hell out of it. Things appear much better today but there’s still work to be done.

This is the most helpless feeling I’ve ever had and I’m trying to keep perspective; it’s not cockroaches (thank god!) or anything but still I feel like after everything I do, I have to start all over again. I have not had more than two minutes of time to rest while I’ve been in this place this weekend. I realize that there are people who have it a lot worse in other areas of their lives than fleas in an apartment and would willingly trade places with me but I can’t think of anything worse, for me, than not feeling comfortable in my own home.

If things still don’t work tomorrow, I’m calling an exterminator. Ugh. I should have done this in the first place but at least I know now. Lesson learned: when trying to solve your own problem particularly of the insect variety, do NOT search for answers on the internet as you will just find stuff out that you never really wanted to know and will become paranoid. I hate ignorance but man, it’s fucking BLISS for a reason.

Okay, so the highlight of my weekend was that Date and I decided to meet up for coffee Sunday. Date and I met on an online dating site. I normally would never have joined but I thought it might be a good way to meet people and maybe see parts of Austin, I would not normally maybe do by myself and two, I do trust this particular site as two of my friends are getting married to people they met on there. Also I wanted to get a sense of the kind of guys here and since I don’t have a huge network of friends yet nor am I hitting the bar scene, I thought this might be the best way. (I have since realize that this idea is like trying to figure out what kinds of sickness people get by looking at sick people – this doesn’t not make any sense, I realize but hey I’m hungry and I’m exhausted because I have fucking FLEAS, remember? Make it work in your head.)

Moving on, I am not necessarily looking for a serious relationship right now but I figured that by keeping my feet wet in the dating pool it might make me more willing to not have issues about it when it eventually happens. (HA! Don’t you love my rationalizations??!) ANYWAY, Date (if this continues I will give Date a name) and I have been having some decent email conversations. Thanks to my last relationship or the lack of things I needed in my last relationship, I really appreciate the things Date has been doing and showed while we were out.

He chose a coffee shop halfway between us, one that was ‘very Austin’ in it’s decor, attitude and clientele. ‘Very Austin’ is hard to describe unless you’ve been here but it served for tremendous people watching. He had earlier asked for some book recommendations, and I brought some of my collection along for him to peruse. I had offered to loan him a book, partly because it seemed natural but partly to see if it would lead to seeing him again as he’d have to return it.

When I pulled up to the coffee shop, I was really nervous mostly because it was so crowded and we hadn’t really gone through the specifics of meeting up once we got there. I was sitting in my car putting stuff in my purse when I caught a guy walking towards the general parking area out of the corner of my eye. Turns out it was Date. He was faking going to his car, which ironically was parked right next to mine. We hugged and he asked if I had any trouble getting here. Later when I checked my phone, I realized he left me a voicemail right at the time I arrived letting me know he was there and if I needed any help finding it. (This was the first time I had been in that neighborhood).

It was a little awkward at first but he gave me recommendations on the house favorites, since he used to go there a lot during grad school and after. He took my order and picked up the coffees, while managing to hold the door open for me as we went outside to sit. Once we were settled, across from each other, the conversation started to flow. He’s really easy to talk to, he wanted to know much more about me (turns out the only other person he knows from IL is from the suburb I grew up in, ironic) and my thoughts on Austin. He asked follow up questions that I want people to ask me (sounds confusing but it’s because about a specific quality of mine that most people don’t pick up on and he did) and is a good listener. Typically getting to know you conversations like that have ended up with the guy interrupting to say his opinion or turning it back to be all about him. He opened up about himself, but not too much too fast, but just enough to keep me thinking of other things I wanted to ask him or discuss once I left.

He has the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen, a real bright light blue that are gorgeous and kind. That’s the only thing I can think of when I see them. Kind. He was most curious about how I felt about Austin, if I was homesick and all the things he loved about Austin and places and happenings that go on here that I didn’t know about. I had had the sense that maybe he was sort of over Austin, since he’s been here for years, prior to meeting up so it was kind of cute to me that he wanted to make sure that I like living here.

We laughed a lot and got another round of the house specialties and we spent about two and half hours sitting there before a threat of a thunderstorm finally forced us to leave. He walked me to my car, opened the door for me after I unlocked it and hugged me goodbye. No kiss but that’s okay. In fact, now I want to kiss him so that was probably a smart move on his part. Miles and miles away from the traditional first dates I’ve had in my life, which usually involved copious amounts of alcohol and resulting bad decisions.

This was different. Different good. Different in that it was a confidence booster for me. Different in that it helps me start to really see my life here. Probably not with him, which is fine, it wasn’t the point. I’ve heard from him already thanking me for the good time he had and when I left he said he’d call so who knows? But this summer is starting to make me smile. Fleas and all.

Hello. I am about to  bust out onto a glorious 85 degree day and holiday weekend and well, I can’t possible concentrate on work.

  • It is graduation time!! I went to one this morning, and gosh darnit, they are really long but I fricking love it. I just walked down a hallway passing about 6 professors in full regalia and for a second, I thought I was at Hogwarts.
  • The date is still happening. Details not firm but there has been continous follow thru from his end, to make sure it’s happening. Also I’m trying not to put much into it, but I have to say this:  It is so nice when someone is considerate, recalls things you’ve said previously, wants your opinion, and has a sincere desire to get to know you. Men in their early to mid thirties rule. I almost feel bad for neglecting them before.
  • I just found out that Simon & Garfunkel wrote and sang Hazy Shade of Winter. I am floored. How did I not know this?? I mean, I guess I knew The Bangles couldn’t have written it but still, Simon & Garfunkel?? I would never have guessed.
  • I am seriously hating my hair. I got a FAB cut almost three weeks ago but I just can’t do anything with it. Then yesterday,  it occured to me that my hair cut resembles ‘The Rachel’ cut on a simpler scale and now I can’t get it out of my head. Everytime I look in the mirror I see the ‘The Rachel’. My new stylist is great and I know if I went back she’d be fine with it and hopefully fix it. I have SO MUCH hair but it’s really fine which limits the styles apparently, so this cut I currently have is the cut I always end up with no matter who I go or what age I am. Eventually it all grows out and I keep it long and then get it cut and go back to square 1. Part of me doesn’t want to be that wimp that goes back to the salon so I think I might go buy some product and perhaps a curling iron to see if I can at least get it into some style I can live with.
  • But back to the date, this will be the first first date I’ve had since 2004. The last first date started a almost 4 year relationship. But still I feel too young to have my last first date be 5 years ago. It’s probably no surprise that I’m flashing back to then as a guidepost. Thinking of things for reference. Uh yeah, that was like 20 lbs ago and I relied on getting stupid drunk to get me through. So those things aren’t going to work. But I know what I’m going to wear! Bonus!(?)

Anyway, it’s time for me to get the hell up on outta here (thought I’d pepper in some Texan for ya).  Have a lovely Memorial Day weekend!!

on a DATE. Friday.

Which, is perfect because I’m getting sick and/or it’s allergies. I’m willing my glands to stay shrunk to prevent any wicked double chin action.

We are going for coffee – at this point I’m plotting how to spike it with some Bailey’s to take my edge off.

In the meantime, I’ll be trying to be too excited to forget the fact that I’m FREAKING OUT.

Good talk.

Flirting is the most fun thing ever. Flirting by banter, even better.

Most exciting, is that I’m realllly good at it so I just get excited, never nervous. Apparently I’m a flirt, according to my friends, because they see flirting when I see it as just a discussion.

Whatever it is, it’s awesome. Austin better mind themselves, because it appears I’m back.

I have had a pretty tough week. It’s knocked me into some kind of adrenaline-induced and resulting crash funk.

At work, the hardest part of the semester for me is over. I spent 11 hour days this week supporting and organizing different panels for our students. My panel? Pretty much almost a complete disaster. I was late to the game securing speakers for my students because I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, and I haven’t been in the job long enough to know specific employers to come speak. The day of the panel, I was only sure of 1 person attending. I was planning on being the featured speaker if all else failed. In the end all my speakers showed up. I should have known marketing folks are always focused on the deadline. At 5pm, half an hour before it started, they were there. Then there are my students in the class I teach, whom I swear reading comprehension decreases with every text message and iPhone usage they do because they have NO ability to read directions. It’s on the fucking syllabus for a reason people, after I explain it EVERY WEEK. Yet they come crying to me, literally, because they missed 3 points because they didn’t read the directions. And crying is the pathway to my heart because I cave and then question my own authority.

Then there’s my personal life. I’ve been doing SO GOOD at moving on from the Ex, and starting to really heal. As in I could FEEL my heart healing, and actually getting excited about the future again. And then this week, I had feelings. Crappy feelings that I just didn’t want to feel. But I let myself. Figured I probably had pushed them away so much that my subconscious was getting her revenge. You can’t pretend I don’t exist, you bitch, she was probably laughing far off in some random part of my brain. The one that connects directly to my heart. And then I get into a car accident. Which for the first time, was not my fault. Some girl backed into me as I was waiting for the apartment gate to open. Nice crater in my passenger car door. I wasn’t hurt and I don’t have to pay for it, her insurance is on it, THANK GOD. But still. Didn’t really want to deal with it this week.

But my week is not over just yet. I’m back to work tomorrow because my director asked me severely last minute to help host a Parents Day for the college. (I honestly don’t know what it is with me and parents, I have spent almost too much time in higher education working with them. My future boyfriend(s?) should love me for this attribute).

Anyway, all day today I scrambled to organize students to help me tomorrow, rent fricking A/V equipment I need and have absolutely ZERO skills in understanding. I also had to get posters printed and mounted and as I’m working on my delegating skills, I had a student create a pretty rad poster – while I spent my time trying to find how the hell you get something printed on college campus in one day (I was so missing my agency days when my buds in production would do favors for me).

I lucked out and found the main copy center would help me out. Except the rad poster – used stock art without paying for it, had images that were too pixelated for the size I needed. And I had to start over. And it’s Friday. And I’m higher ed, so things work at snails pace, to say I was panicked over this thing I had no choice to do – on a SATURDAY – mandated to me by our Director, was an overstatement. Also, it was the very last thing I needed this week.

The Copy Center saved my ass. I’m seriously thinking about naming my first child _ _ Copy Center. I’m not kidding. I called over there and spoke to the Copy Center Guy, not knowing a THING about how it all worked, what I needed to do. The only thing I knew was the deadline I had to meet. I HATE not knowing procedures and placing demands on people without understanding their needs first. I had a lot of bosses like that and I at least try to understand what I need to do to help them first. My hands were tied and I had to demand and then redo everything and demand again.

Copy Center Guy was so calm and I probably spent hours on the phone with him today, and he seriously went above and beyond to help me out.

He also had a very nice voice on the phone. Not too much of a drawl but enough Texan to make it interesting. (No one here has southern accents, excuse me Texan accents, maybe because Austin is such a mix of people, mostly Californians – but not even the students do. Although they “Yes ma’am” alot, which is super polite and nice to hear).

They even stayed two hours past their closing time so I could pick up my stuff before I went home. Copy Center Guy called me after close and invited me to come by and look at it before they finished it to make sure I was happy with it. It was on my way to the car, so I did. And I secretly hoped that Copy Center Guy was cute to match his voice. And was also NOT a student of mine or of the undergraduate variety.

After getting lost for the umpteenth time since I’ve been on campus, I arrived. At this point it was 6pm – WELL past the time we all should have left to go home.  Copy Center Guy was waiting for me, holding the door open. He is an adult! His looks are as friendly and kind as his voice was on the phone. He has reddish hair but not obnoxiously so, almost blond, like he spends a lot of time out in the sun. Good teeth (I always check I don’t know why) and no.wedding.ring. I’m not one who usually checks – not because I don’t think it’s important but I’ve just never been one who thought about it – but I checked. He had really kind eyes. The kind that when someone smiles, you don’t need to check their mouth to notice if they are.

He offered me water and let me sit down next to him while I waited. We chatted for a really long time. He asked about where I’d come from, since I had told him apologetically earlier in the day while making my demands I was sort of new and didn’t know what the hell I was doing. We discussed things I could still get away with, using the “But I’m NEW, I didn’t KNOW” excuse. We talked about Chicago, he mentioned he loved it, I said I missed it – which is the first time I’ve EVER said it outloud. We laughed and sort of bemoaned how annoying it is that our university/employer is good at every sport. He warned me about football season. We discussed Illinois basketball and how Michael Jordan’s son was on the team – and tried to figure out where his second son, who supposedly has the basketball talent, would play ball. We both agreed it would be Carolina.

And then just like that it was time to go. I picked up my very large posters and put them under my arm and had my keys in the other. And then he reached out his hand to shake as he told me how nice it was to meet me and to make sure I come back again. Somehow the handshake startled me, and I kind of squealed as clumsily passed my keys from my right hand to my left, which was holding the posters. But I managed to shake Copy Center guy’s hand without dropping anything.

It only occured to me as I walked to my car, that I had fucking FLIRTED. Without meaning to, or definitely meaning to, I’m not sure which. I do know, however, that I suddenly might have a need for a lot of posters.

(Unless he went home to his girlfriend or put his wedding ring he accidently forgot next to the sink, in which case I now know a short cut to getting shit done and am armed with more things I can get away with while I’m still “new”) Either way seems like a win for me!


Synopsis

musings and panic attacks of a Chicago girl embarking on a new life in Texas. Only it's not always June and it's not in song.

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