Life is Busting out ALL Over!

I’m avoiding my life-crisis by posting about the Olympics

Posted on: August 19, 2008

Finally!! Plus I don’t have anything ironic to post to “typical Tuesdays” today, so this is going to have to do.

I’m not one of those “up the Olympics’ ass” type of people. (Yeah, I just made that up but you know those people! We all do.) But I am a recovering UTOA. When I was a kid I used to put on my parents’ John Williams greatest hits CDs – well, I’m sure it wasn’t called that, but it had his Star Wars, Superman, and Indiana Jones themes along with the Olympic theme! I pulled out the big ass flag, obligated of every household to fly on national holidays in my town, out of the coat closet, put that baby on and marched around the house. Parade of Nations, party of one. I also used to play church, with the family bible, some robes and grape juice for communion so making up games out of nothing at all was not out of the ordinary for me.

Anyway, I do not sit in my red, white and blue while watching the games (anymore anyway) but I do watch the primetime stuff and I will admit I am already getting sad about the games ending next weekend. This also might be in part to my current life crisis: interviewing-but-not-yet-obtaining-a-job-some-of-which-are-all-the-way-across-the-country, so OMG am I really moving? So my choices are either nurse a Jack Daniels or make really sarcastic comments about other people living their dreams. Since I’m living with my parents, which you would think might drive me to the former, it’s actually the latter.

– Bela Karolyi, honest to goodness, I love him. I love his indistinguishable English when he gets excited. I love that he appears so bitter either for not being on the floor coaching or because no one has asked him to be the King of Gymnastics and make all the rules. But I’m telling you now, I think he would make an excellent commentator of everything. Cover the national conventions this month. Host Meet the Press. Send him down to Florida to tell us about Hurricane Fay. Or better yet, get the man his own cooking show. Is it just me or do you shout “Belllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh” whenever he is on the TV?? Just me? Okay, cool.

– Michael Phelps. Yes, he is an EXTRAORDINARY athlete, unbelieveably so. But honestly, I’m sick of hearing about him. Loved the races. OMG. I’m an ex-swimmer so I LOVE the races but I don’t care that he listens to Lil Wayne to get pumped up. Partly because I imagined him listening to “Enter Sandman” on the blocks and I don’t see how you can get it up for Lil Wayne but whatever. 12,000 calories a day and no girlfriend?? Who cares? Just jump in the damn water.

– Synchronized Diving. AMAZING. Not as good as having Chanel noseclips like the synchro swimmers but it will do.

-Trampolines?? Okay, is trampolining REALLY an Olympic sport? It is awesome though. But I also invented two sports, tencrosse ( mix of tennis and lacrosse, much harder than it sounds) and Pinkball (in the absence of 8th grade boys letting you play kickball with them, go buy a pink one at Wal-Mart and start your own game). I think they would add a lot to the games as well. Who do I have to talk to?

– China, we all know those are NOT 16 year old girls. This could imply many things, but I’m referring to gymnasts. Okay, maybe that ONE is, but the other ones are not.

– Also World gymnasts? ENOUGH with the crazzzzy make up and hair clips and glitter oh my. I have a LOTTA, LOTTA hair and rarely need more than two when putting my hair in a competitive ponytail. Making geometric shapes with the formation of your hair clips is so not needed and kind of a distraction to the viewer.

– George Bush. Hey, what’s up? Saw you at the opening ceremony chatting it up with Putin like you hadn’t finished your conversation the last time you kicked back a few and want a rematch of that poker game. Did you NOT know what was going on in Georgia. The former Russian state, not home of Atlanta. Never mind, don’t answer that.

But olympics, I do love you. And I don’t know what I’m going to do when you depart me next weekend. Well, at least I have The Hills to keep me company for awhile. (Down with Lo!)

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Synopsis

musings and panic attacks of a Chicago girl embarking on a new life in Texas. Only it's not always June and it's not in song.

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