Life is Busting out ALL Over!

Crazy

Posted on: July 12, 2007

Oh, hello there. How are you? Is your summer flying by? Mine is. I’m moving out of state in less than a month. How do I feel? It’s crazy!

Now that I’m not working, I think it’s sunk in to everyone that I’m really leaving. So I’m getting bombarded with the emails and the calls and everyone wants to know? How are you??

All I can say is: “It’s crazy!”

Crazy, is not even a fair description of how I feel. First off, I don’t even like using the word because I despise how mental health is treated in this country and I don’t want to condone the use of this word.

But it just slips out.

Rather, what I’d love to say is “You know, I don’t know. One one hand I’m really really excited I’m doing this. I’ve never taken fully realized a goal of mine to this capacity before so I’m not sure how I should be feeling. I’m getting sad I’m leaving my comfort zone. Streets that I can navigate with my eyes closed. Knowing I can just drive an hour and see my parents when I want to. My boyfriend and I just spent two weeks apart and we were calling or texting each other every day. I have no idea how that is going to translate into one year. I also had no idea how much I missed him, how much this apartment was filled with him until he wasn’t here. Or how much I love really love him. I’m also slowly running out of money, I’ll be okay until my loans kick in but it’s not a good feeling. I wanted to truly start over, get new furniture, buy a new camera, and get one last really expensive hair cut so I could just maintain it. I’m not sure if that is in the works right now. I went down to campus this week and finalized some things and even though I treat that town like the redneck haven it is, I actually like the idea that it only takes 15 minutes at the most to go from one side to the other. That the traffic will never be as bad as Saturday afternoon traffic in the city. I’m starting to look forward to all the reading on a subject I sought out articles to read in the past, just for fun. I feel my confidence building with the knowledge that I’m going to be really, really good at this. But then yesterday, I took a walk. 2 blocks down my street. To the Beach. The beach and a park that stretches on for miles. I never knew it was there. All this time and I never took the time to walk 2 blocks down my street. I never knew what I was missing. And that scares me most of all.”

But who wants to listen to that?

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Synopsis

musings and panic attacks of a Chicago girl embarking on a new life in Texas. Only it's not always June and it's not in song.

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