Life is Busting out ALL Over!

Archive for February 2007

*So last night, I bawled. Grey’s Anatomy. It’s routine. But I didn’t expect it. I HATED this ferry boat 3 episode arc. I find Meredith to be whiny and was kind of happy she was underwater. I felt they dragged it out. It was worth it. It was worth it to get the grief that came out of the actors. I called it that her mom would die and they would get closure, although shouldn’t that be the series finale, not in the middle of Season 3? I dunno. I’m not a writer, obviously. But the last three Thursdays were worth it for that brief moment of Denny and Izzie standing next to each other. OMG. I already had tears on my cheeks but I choked a little (you know when you’ve been crying but it’s kind of like a new cry, I imagine it like a dam breaking and you convulse a little. anyone?). It was so worth it.

*I’ve been accepted to my first graduate school – not the program, but the school, which means now the program can look at me. Good thing because I’m driving 6 hours tonight to interview this weekend.

*I made a kick ass CD for my road trip. I listened to it on my way to work this morning. I broke the rules.

*Dear God, I know there are plans for a winter storm this weekend. Do you think you could delay it or at least spare the roads I’m driving on? Better yet, just have snow. I’m cool with snow, but not ice. Thanks so much! Greenleaf gal

*Is it 5:00 yet?

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is Diana’s Bananas – babies.

Chocolate covered frozen bananas! We had them at work once for someone’s birthday and now someone makes sure they are stocked at all times.

They are beautiful and wonderful and only 6 grams of fat (not that I’m counting but I feel it justifies its’ awesomeness in some way).

My only challenge is to figure out how to get the banana to thaw a little without melting the chocolate. Placing it on a radiator is not the answer.

I just found out they have them in dark chocolate. HEAVEN. Seriously.

I found them at Dominick’s but their website says they are at Jewel too. Go get ’em!

yummy in my tummy!

Not tonight anyway. I had mapped out today as the day that I was going to wrap up my essay for one of my applications (read: start). It’s on my future goals with this degree.

The problem is nailing down my future goals. This degree is my future! I have ideas of what I want to do, but I want to leave myself open to any experience that comes my way. I got boxed in during undergrad and feel like it really screwed with my head, I’m still feeling it. I tried all week to focus an answer around one direction. Then I decided to go balls out and just be honest.

Now I can’t write a damn thing.

In the meantime, I found this guy’s blog called a The Year after the Break Up – and it’s so engrossing and heartbreaking. I can feel the pain he must have had and he’s so into feeling the pain that it makes me cry. And now my head is all out of whack.

I had an amazing night with R last night. We celebrated our quasi-Valentine’s day since he forgot his card on Wednesday. We had sushi in Evanston and then came back to eat ice cream and watch Grey’s Anatomy and Half Nelson. Half Nelson is an amazing movie, so outstanding and Ryan Gosling killed it. (and quite possibly is the hottest man on earth) Essentially the movie is about Gosling, who is a teacher in the Bronx but also has a huge crack habit. It deals with his struggle as a teacher but also the crack. It’s so amazingly awesome.

We paused the movie several times to talk. We discussed the philosophies of Hume and Kant (they are touched upon in the movie) for awhile. I learn so much from R, he is a philosophy nut and I was so traumatized by reading Greek mythology in high school that I avoided anything Greek later in my studies – which included philosophy because of Aristotle. The best thing about R and I is our discussions. At the beginning of our relationship they were the getting to know you stuff – stories from our childhood, relating our life experiences to each other. Now, they fall more and more into the political and spiritual realm.

R is a student of religion and works as a youth minister. He’s on the liberal side of things so it is so empowering to hear him relate religion because for the first time in my life it is in a context I can relate. Our discussions after the movie were just as animated and covered his thoughts if he could pick a theme for Lent. (It would be “Holy shit! We killed our God!) I just feel so lucky for a night like last night. Not because I need a reminder of the core of our relationship but because those times when our connection shines so bright I get blinded, leaves me with a high. One I needed after the longest week of work ever.

But it’s rendered me useless. It was worth it.


I hate when I think of a list of things that I hate on the way home but then can’t think of them when I want to write.

I hate confusion about time zones. You said you are calling me at 9:30 – is that your time? Well, it’s 9pm and no call so I guess it’s my time. Damn, 8:30 worked better

I hate making mac and cheese without any hot dogs

I hate my bosses at work who put me on a project for 5 months and now that the big presentation is here, they change direction every other week so who cares about all my other work

I hate that they asked me to quantify QUALITATIVE DATA. Huh?

I hate that I buy all these candles and then the wick gets stuck in the melted wax

I hate walking by these new fancy condo buildings that are too cheap to pay for a snow blowing service or don’t feel the need to shovel.

I hate not having any smell or taste. I have no way to know if I have bad breath!

I hate that I had to work later on the the night I have to myself.

I hate reruns.

I hate cleaning.

I hate how the dishes pile up.

But most of all, I hate the wind.

Guess I didn’t forget all of this after all!

So between BF’s *COUGH COUGH* (yes, it’s still around but not as bad) and my head cold and as of 7pm tonight, my *COUGH COUGH* (grrr!) we have put an embargo in place not to share a bed until we are both better. I’m not sure why sharing the same couch or space for long periods of time is any different than sleeping next to each other, but I think we mentally feel that will help us get back to our normal non-*COUGH COUGH* selves.

It’s kind of lonely, kind of nice that he goes home at 10pm these past 4 nights a week. Usually I have about 2 -3 “ME” nights a week so I having time to wind down alone lately. Plus we both discussed tonight how it was kind of cool to just hang out and go separately – like we are being very mature or something. I don’t know but it will be even better when the embargo is lifted (the barriers are no more *COUGH COUGH* or congestion). I don’t think it will be until this weekend at the earliest.

Despite being sick, I had a really productive weekend – I cleaned my apartment and I got a new table and chairs. Well they aren’t new – a friend is moving to NYC so I took them off her hands – but they are new to me. And for the first time ever, I have my own table and chairs to eat meals on. One of the legs on the table is missing a foot pad thing but it’s nothing a piece of cardboard can’t handle, for now!

It’s amazing how a piece of furniture changes an apartment, I feel a lot more at home and sort of official. Despite this being my 3rd place by myself, I now feel official. We had our first meal at the table tonight – pancakes and turkey sausage. Dinner of champions.

I’m nervous as hell now about these grad applications. I guess I’ve always been nervous but it was fear of not doing, now it’s fear of rejection. I have one down and sent out. Four more to go. But I didn’t get any grad assistantships from the first one so I feel like maybe my essays totally suck or that no one wants a 29 year old career changer and it’s only a field for undergrads. So that’s tripping me up. I also wasted a shit load of time worrying all fall and now it’s crunch time. So I guess I will just plow through them and I’ll wait to see what happens. It sucks when you finally commit to making a life change but it’s not up to you to see if the switch gets turned on to that life change.

Valentine’s Day crept up on me this year, I’m glad. I definitely have an aversion to the holiday, especially after working in marketing/advertising for so long I can see the method behind the madness. I hated it while I single for 26 years. But once I started dating BF I looked forward to the first one we spent together, (technically our second one together but that’s a long story) although we had similar feelings being anti-corporate and all. We bought each other nice cards, thoughtful declarations written in them and he got me a box of those mini-hearts. It was nice, not too flashy but not “Damn the Man” either.

This year, it’s on a Wednesday, so we are just doing what we do every Wednesday “date night” – watch Lost and order in. We decided not to spend any money either so we are making our own cards.

Perfect.

“Yeah lady, it’s perfect. Bring some chips.”

now I’m sick!

I love life! (but I also love being home!)

If I could figure out how to use this time productively, I’d be golden. GOLDEN.

I had just taken the time to do an AWESOME pie chart documenting my day today. It was intended to visually illustrate the point that my current career is nothing more than a regurgitator. (I just invented a new word and a new career, sweet) I regurgitate, like a fly. I am a fly.

But I can’t figure out how to save my chart as a picture so that I can upload it to here so you will just have to deal with a picture of my cat.
Meet Savannah:


Synopsis

musings and panic attacks of a Chicago girl embarking on a new life in Texas. Only it's not always June and it's not in song.

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